We have all heard about friends with benefits or sex buddies, but what if your “friend” has been talking the talk but not really honest with you? There are many individuals who will tell you that all they want is sex when the truth is all they want is for you to fall madly in love with them and learn you just can’t do without them the way that it happens in the movies? There are people who can just occasionally have sex and not be attached, right? Is it true that you can’t be friends with people from the opposite sex without it getting complicated, or is it really possible to just have sex, be friends, and not become jealous, possessive, or in need of a commitment?

If you have a good thing, like a sex buddy, you want to make sure you protect it from turning into something more complicated, or even ugly. The whole definition of a sex buddy is being able to have sex with someone and not have complication, or a relationship. There are ways that you can make sure that your sexual escapades never turn into anything more, or that it doesn’t ever go south while you are not looking. There are rules that you need to set, boundaries if you will, to keep your sex buddy from thinking that there is anything more to your relationship than sex.

The rules to keeping a sex buddy unattached are:

• Never cuddle. It can be tempting to want to spend the night when you are tired and just had sex, but staying over usually leads to cuddling, spooning, or sharing more intimacy than just raw sex. When you stay over there is a common bond that is shared from sharing not only the night, but the morning. No matter how tired you are, never make it an overnight. Get your things and get out when the fun is done.

• Never give advice to your sex buddy about their relationships. If your sex buddy starts to ask you about what they should do in their current relationship, a new love, or someone they are interested in, show no interest. There are times when they will challenge you to see if you show signs of jealousy, and misread your engaging in helping them with jealousy or interest in a relationship with them. If they ask you about it, be vague, don’t engage and don’t get sucked in.

• Put your needs first. The minute that you start to worry about how to please them you know that you have turned the corner. Not caring about their satisfaction is number one to remaining unattached to them. If you show the slightest bit of concern for their needs being met you are signaling to them that there is a mutual relationship forming, regardless if it is forming around sex, it is forming. Stay selfish and do what you can to get off, let them get theirs on their own, it isn’t your responsibility.

• Don’t ever have sex with them when you are emotional about something else. If you are feeling vulnerable, had a bad day, a break up, or something overly emotional happen, it is not a good day for you to have sex with your sex buddy. It is too easy to confuse good sex with comforting. You don’t want to include them in your emotional feelings, ever, which are sure to come out if you are having an especially bad day. Steer clear until things blow over.

 


• Don’t acknowledge special days or events. If it is their birthday don’t buy them a gift, or take them to dinner. If you acknowledge those sorts of events or special occasions you are saying to them that a relationship is forming. That is never a good idea, let the other people in their lives take care of the special day celebrations.

• Never comfort them. If they are experiencing their own bad day never comfort them through it. Sex can’t be tied to healing, or making their life better. Sex is just sex. It is about pure pleasure, no emotions, nothing to tie yourself personally to them. Remember, just sex.

You don’t have to be mean to be unattached. The idea behind a sex buddy or friend with benefits is a mutually beneficial act for both parties, being unattached is not about being nasty or taking advantage, it is about making clear boundaries with the other individual and never crossing over those that are drawn. If someone steps over the line, the mutually beneficial relationship is over for you both.